Charting the Charts

Oh God. A bunch of shit I don't care about occurs on the Billboard charts this past week.

Weezer's new AMAZING album (...cough cough...) debuted at #4, down from #2 for their previous album, Make Believe. 

Disturbed, a band I intentionally avoid listening to, debuted at #1, proving that rock is alive, you know, just not in the way that it's actually "rock 'n roll." Journey inexplicably charts in at #5, Jewel debuts at #8, and the S & the C soundtrack continues to be hot shit, at #7 in its second week.

On the less-than-top-ten part of the chart, Leona Lewis, Madonna,  and other shit I don't care enough to mention have gone gold. 

Singles-wise, Modern-Rock-wise, Weezer continues to reign atop that chart with Pork & Beans, proving... that... I don't know, people like Weezer regardless of quality? I got nothing. The Offspring continues to surprise me with their continued existence at #2 with Hammerhead, a song I have yet to hear anywhere. I'm disappointed that the Foo Fighters have become the lazy-masters of Rock, because they used to be great, and now are, well, less than great. They're at #3. Linkin Park, Seether, Flobots, Nine Inch Nails, and Death Cab for Cutie are up there, and Salute Your Solution is hanging firm at #9, with Mr. Gwyneth Paltrow's band serving up flavor at #10 with Violet Hill.

Also, there are no vowels in the first four letters of Mrs. Paltrow's first name. I guess "y" is a sometimes vowel, but it's weird typing a name with seven letters and only one is a vowel. 

Next week, things continue to happen!

-RoboNixon

Charting Music

Here's the Billboard music round-up.

Frank Sinatra's best-of, "Nothing But the Best" is in the top 10, at #6, falling from #4 last week. Death Cab for Cutie is at #10, down from #5 last week, and #1 the week before that. I'm not a big fan, but good for them. I like it whenever a rock album tops the charts. It's like a dying beast throwing out its limbs with its final breath.

Madonna's at #11, and after 5 weeks, still has yet to move 500,000 copies. Her primo-days are long gone, my friends. Kid Rock's latest has gone gold, making me die a little inside, Jack Johnson has gone platinum, making me sleepy inside, and Alvin & the Chipmunks refuses to leave the charts, has gone gold, and hovers around #24 (up from #29 last week). That movie is evil, so I imagine someone selling their soul cut a smooth contract that guaranteed theatrical and musical success.

We eat each other's shit for laughs.

REM hovers at #66, and The Raconteurs are out of the top 100. Bummer.

As far as singles go, Weezer reigns supreme with Pork & Beans at #1 on the Modern Rock chart, which makes me sad, but is followed up by a new Offspring song at, surprisingly, #2. Wow. I thought they spontaneously combusted or something. Good to have you back, guys. Be good. "Salute Your Solution" by The Raconteurs rounds off the top 10.

And there's your music minute.

-RoboNixon

Alvin, Part III

Proving that children prefer movie soundtracks to "music," the Alvin & the Chipmunks album fell one place this past week to #7 on the Billboard Album Chart. That's only one spot lower than last week, which was only a spot lower than the week before. It's time to face the hard truth: Alvin & the Chipmunks will likely sell more units than REMs latest. 

Did you hear that? That zipping? That's the sound of millions of musicians across the country turning into animated creatures to promote their music. What's scary about that is the passage in Revelations where it is revealed that "children as animals will dance upon the grave of man." 

REM is down to #9, the Juno Soundtrack somehow snuck up to #8 (from 46), and Mariah Carey debuted at #1, proving that her vocal chords can not only sing a ridiculous range of notes, but also can hypnotize the American populace into parting with its cash.

-RoboNixon

ps. Expect reviews in the near future of The Raconteurs' "Consolers of the Lonely," The Long Blondes' "Couples," and REM's "Accelerate."

Alvin & the Chipmunks Soundtrack Update!

The Soundtrack dropped one spot this week to #6. REM dropped from #2 to #5. Leona Lewis is #1 with her album Spirit.

A correction from the last Alvin & the Chipmunks post: The album has only gone gold, not platinum. So only 500,000 people have bought it, rather than 1,000,000. (whew)

As for singles, The Raconteurs' "Solute Your Solution" has risen on the Modern Rock board to #7, coming after a bunch of bands I don't like, like no more, or have never heard.

Otherwise, no news on any band or artist I care about.

You can see the whole list here.

(Thanks Billboard)

-RoboNixon